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You can now find me on livejournal under celticluffy!

http://celticluffy.livejournal.com/

Rededication!

I'm going to try to start posting more and I'm going to be posting more art up in this biz! The pieces that I'm going to be posting is from last quarter. One is steam punked theme and the other is an advertisement from Target, though it isn't really an ad just an exercise from class.



PS! I hope to be printing business cards here soon! Much more coming up! Don't forget to check out my deviantart page at http://celticluffy.deviantart.com/
I'm inclined to believe, now more than ever, that some men may love me but I will never love them and the men that that I fall for will never love me. I think that this is so certain that it should become its own universal theory.

I must be suffering from some past life Karma.

Jul. 25th, 2008

So yeah its been a really interesting day. It kind of started late last night waiting for a phone call that I wasn't sure was going to happen or not. It an OKC guy that I've just playing around with for shit kicks and giggles. He actually seems ok. He did call and we talk for about an hour. A success in my book. So that was like two in the morning. I ended up staying up for another just talking online with. SO in the middle of that I get an AIM from this guy I talk to before on OKC. I kind of lost interest when I found he was dating someone else from school and was trying to play both of us. With that exposition, he gives me a message and was all like "hey aren't you from OKC" and stuff. I ask him about the girl he was dating and was trying to convince me that they were only friends and thinking "what kind of bullshit is this guy trying to sell? Anyway, he then ask if he could get my number which he already had and then proceeds to proposition me for cyber sex. Thats just disgusting in my mind and he was also trying to tell me how much of a "hornball" I was just because when I talked to him before I was open about talking about sex. I just hate men like that, they sicken me.

Anyway, I make my excuse and go to bed around 3 am. Well, I couldn't go to bed until 5 for some reason. I think I just had too much to think about and I had Sweeney Todd songs stuck in my head. Its impossible to sleep. Oh and I forgot to add that I had a migraine that day as well. You would think that having that would pass me out. Anywho, I wake up at like 1 pm because well it was late before I fell asleep. I also had a weird dream that involved the show "Avatar: the last airbender" really weird. So my sister asked to use my car to get herself to work. So this peeved me a little but I just told to put some gas in the car. She tells me she has no money to put in my car. WELL wouldn't that fry anyone's balls? Then she tells dad on me when I got mad. And then Dad got mad at me for starting shit. I live in the worst family ever. My sister is irresponsible with her money and I have to pay for it? And I just got my car back! Well, her boyfriend gives me money later so its cool even though she never drove it. She didn't want to drive it because it was stuttering or stalling, just Mindy bitching about everything that's not to her expectations. She had to take mom's car. By the way, it wasn't stuttering, it shudders when the engine sits idle with is normal for my car and does NOT mean its going to stall. She is such a moronic bitch.

It gets better though. I was watering the plants for my parents and my parents were outside with me because my mom and I were going to go get food. Well I'm watering the plants and I feel this sting on my stomach (the top I was wearing showed my stomach. I look in front of me and I see a wasp and at the same time I hear my dad yell "RUN"!! Apparently I was watering a wasps nest that happen to sting me in the foot and stomach. I never ran so fast in my life. And it HURT! The stings themselves stung for about 40 minutes and my stomach felt like I had done 500 sit ups or cramping for the rest of today. I mean it wasn't a bad day or anything. Just a lot o shit happened, you know? Well I treated myself to Graeter's ice cream because of the wasp stings. It was just one of those days I guess.

Jul. 23rd, 2008

I think I also found a new cartoon that is actually funny and viewable. Its called the Marvelous Misadventures of Flap Jack. It seems like its silly and a little sick but good-natured and innocent. Its about this boy named Flapjack that travels around with this captain looking for candy as booty and they ride around on a whale. And they will do anything for candy. Thats all I know about it so far. But it looks darn cute. ^_^

Jul. 23rd, 2008

I think todays Friendly Hostility's must of been my favorite of all time! LOLLERSKATES!

Also

I'm pissy that I have to get up around 6:30 AM to get my cat spaded.

Proof

I AM NOT LESSER THAN ANYBODY ELSE!! I MUST FIGHT AGAINST MY OWN MISCONCEPTIONS OF MYSELF!!

I really do have self-confidence issues that I'm really trying to work on. I mean I'm no where as near as bad as when I first got into college but its still there. I've vowed that I'll never be that person again, the person who I used to think of myself as, but at times I tend to start slipping back towards those thoughts. And its hard. Its like a titter totter that I need more good things happening to me then the bad to feel good about myself. Like if someone flirts with me or not, or if I get along with someone. Its those paranoia thoughts that I pit myself against what I think I should be and not what I am. I'm always reflecting myself against other people that I wish I could be and always find myself lacking, and those are the thoughts that hit the deepest. The feeling of not being to live up to a certain standard leaves me feeling hollow and without redeeming qualities. It leaves me thoughts like "Why should anyone like me?" or "No one really enjoys my company, its all out of politeness". I just don't feel liked when I'm in those moods. I mean I guess everybody can feel that way, but it seems like it happens more than it seems normal. I know that its all inside my mind but my heart doesn't always listen to my brain. Sometimes something so slight can make me feel crestfallen.

A part of it is that I see people that I found so horrible as people and they seemed to enjoy all the things that I don't have in life that I want. Love, people taking to them easily, opportunities. They don't deserve those things! Its hard be very understanding when you as a person try so hard and be genuine but fail and other people don't try at all and are rotten on the inside and succeed. People like them more regardless of their lack of humanity towards other people. I can think of so many people that are like that and they don't suffer. Just people with black souls. Is that what life is all about? Its like I'm stuck in this middle rut of life. I neither have a great charismatic personality, nor beautiful, stuck in someplace in society that I as a person can not be recognized or loved. It just the worst emotion to feel that you are not someone worthy of being loved because of being something that you can not change. That's why I'm so wishy washy when it comes to online dating because I'm stuck between this optimism and hope of finding someone but pessimism of knowing it will all blow up in my face.

A large part of my own discouragement in myself is that I need proof that I'm a worthwhile person, like I need proof in my beliefs. Which is funny because I have more of a belief that I have a soul then me being a interesting person, and there is less proof of the soul! I need to know people want me around and enjoy my company. To have proof that I'm worthy of being loved. To be deserving of someone. But I can never be confident of those feelings of people. That's why I need to fight against myself. Fight against those negative thoughts. I can never be certain of other people's feelings towards me and therefore I can't be certain of how they see me. And why I never told anyone that I loved them...unsure if they loved me back. I guess this is the part where I say that I have to be more open and take risk yadda yadda yadda.

I just want to stop feeling so negative about myself and hope that it'll happen in the future.

At least now I have that off my chest.

Jun. 2nd, 2008

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!! I haven't been this excited in One Piece for the longest time. I think this might even rival the Alabaster arc! Well, it depends on how it goes on from chapter 501 but it looks promising!. *squeal* And whats even sadder? I say anything because of leaking spoilers. I'm a sad panda. Lets just say it has something to do with Ace!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!

New Apartment

Wow, Sprecher is sooooo nice to live in. It has air condition, cable, internet, and everything! The problem with living over at McCreight is that I had too much idle time on my hands because I didn't have that much to do. I guess it bad then I need cable and internet to entertain me, but I don't see it that way at all! XD

I totally skipped class again today and I hope this will be the last time that I do. I just hate the class so much! I think the hatred stems from the teacher refusing to take my past homework because I had to skip a class to go to the dentist. He said he couldn't take it because he has a strict policy. What the hell am I supposed to do? Fax it through his non-existent fax number? Teachers like that really fry my balls because one) we are not in high school and 2) its just a summer class. Some people take life way too seriously.

I really wish I had someone to talk about One Piece with. I'm finally catching up on some of the chapters and that manga always delivers. So all those OP fans out there, find me!

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